It is fashionable these days to talk about bowels. Taboo subject for centuries it is now as “chic” to expose one’s entrails on the table at a drinks party as to discuss the working of your new BMW. What happens in your innards is always a secure conversation piece. The TV ads are full of people clutching their guts in pain due to too much passing or the lack of it. A sticky situation and a stinking pain in the butt.

I have got a semi-ecological solution. I say semi because it involves petrol and we all know what it does to the whales… Now don’t be silly and try to do something stupid with it. Just pour it in your car tank and set off on a discovery journey. I guarantee the results: you will have achieved the best guts spring cleaning without the help of nasty pills.

Pack an overnight bag, plenty of water in a cool bag and head for the A92, the autovia Del Mediteraneo. Towards Granada if you are from the Antequera region and towards Granada if you are unlucky enough to live in the Almeria desert.
In case of problems on that motorway the number to phone from your mobile is 902 333 092. As I am at it I might as well remind all travellers that 061 is for normal emergencies and 062 for very serious problems. The panic number is 112 and will be shortly used worldwide. Ask for an operator in your own language and state clearly which service you require. Thankfully I never had, so far, to use it but I know how it works by sheer fluke. My new landline telephone was installed two years ago, the kind I just did not want. It is the type of gadget that can knit a cable stitch jumper, bake a perfect soufflé and sometimes makes calls. The Telefonica engineer went and I was left with something that looked like the cockpit of a 747. I looked at all those coloured buttons and on the spur of puzzled excitement decided to lift the receiver and press the red button. I did not have my glasses on and did not notice the tiny 112 below. It was answered almost immediately and I was asked which service I required. I stupidly said that I did not require anything except a handbook on how to use the phone. Nobody was amused at the other end and I got an earful of advice on what to do with myself.

The adventure starts at exit 312 about 30kms eastwards of Guadix in the direction of Almeria. Or the other way round if you are coming from Almeria. Coming from the Murcia area by the A92N you have to branch off at Guadix towards Almeria. Watch for the sign La Calahora/Cherin and in brown on the usual blue background “Puerto de la Ragua”.
Take this exit and spare a few seconds to admire the medieval castle of Marquesado on your right. It looks like a gigantic birthday cake gone wrong. Just opposite is a rather fancy hotel/restaurant called very originally” restaurant El Castillo”. Another cake gone to pots. Don’t be tempted to have anything alcoholic in there. Watch for a very small sign, just after the restaurant on the left that says “Puerto de la Ragua” on the A337.Go for it and immediately you will notice enormous electronic signs warning you “MOUNTAIN ROAD- EXTREME CAUTION”. They are not kidding. The A337 climbs to the top of the Sierra Nevada and drops you on the other side in that paradise called the “Alpujarras”.

You are on your way up to 6000 feet high. This is the time to make sure you have enough underwear. Once you are on that road you are committed. There is no way to turn round. It is tarmacked but narrow with no safety barriers and no central dividing line. The locals drive like maniacs (not many on the road but then it only needs one).

The drive takes about 1 hour. The air is clear and smells of pine trees. The view is literally out of this world. There are a couple of miradors where you can just park and enjoy the spectacle. There is a beautiful log cabin type hotel/restaurant/hotel at the top. In winter this is an international centre for cross country skiing. The barman behind the bar was extremely unhelpful when I asked questions. I don’t take kindly to being ignored and he certainly made sure that my enquiries were not welcome. Considering that we were the only customers in the place I pressed on:” A difficult road..” “Road???We have no road here”. The guy was not Spanish and I suspected he originated from one of those flat countries where brains and manners match the countryside. I decided to nail him to the wall.” No road? So what’s there? That bit of tarmac getting into your car park?”. “Oh! That!”. “Yes that and what about it in winter?”. “ The machine clears the road twice a day. We are the most important high level cross country skiing centre in Europe you know”.

Obviously we are at an age when that kind of sport is out of our physical reach. He could see that so he was not interested. He served us a warm white wine for me and a warm non-alcoholic beer for Chris, the driver. Then he went back to his interrupted conversation on his mobile, looking and acting as friendly as an open safety pin. So I would not recommend spending money in that hostelry. Rather carry on down.

Downwards the road widens. It has safety barriers and central line. The locals are still driving like chimpanzees but at least there is enough space to swing around.
Then you are in the Alpujarras. There are two roads circling the area. Take the top one towards Valor, Mecina Bombaron and Berchules. The views are magnificent and there are fewer tourists than on the lower one. You can’t avoid going through Trevelez. At 2000 meters it is the highest village in Spain and certainly one of the prettiest. And there, my dears, there is a place to have a good comfortable time and eat well. Juan Antonio owns “La Fragua” in the Barrio Medio. All mountain villages are built for goats. Trevelez is on three levels. With glasses it is possible to see the sign (very small) “barrio medio”. There is a car park in the tiny square and you will see the Fragua sign. Juan Antonio has two hostels nearby. TV, telephone and bathroom en suite in all rooms. His small restaurant, a few steps along the alley way is a delight. He is a charming man and speaks a little English.

In the morning it is time to head home. There is only one way. Follow the road from Trevelez to Lanjaron and then catch the motorway to Granada. The A 92 appears at Santa Fe to carry you home either eastwards or westwards.
The adventure is over and I hope that you have enjoyed it. One word of advice: although that moose in the log cabin said that the road was cleared twice a day in winter I would not chance it. Choose a nice sunny day in summer. Happy climbing.
ROVING REPORTER